Got Me Up All Night

 

“They absorb the pain and bitterness and keep right on sponging it up until they drown. Maybe that’s why nobody’s really worried about going off and wreaking havoc. It’s not that the seething hatred and need for revenge isn’t there, hell no. It’s just that instead of erupting and annihilating our tormentors, we destroy ourselves instead.”

I think most of us can relate to this, albeit the fact sometimes we find ourselves raging but that happens when you can’t bottle it up any longer, for me that is.

I wasn’t always like this.

I don’t think I can recall the day I started bottling things up..maybe I do, and maybe I would rather forget and be in denial of the fact that I do know why I turned into a skeptic. I think I lost all interest in talking it out. They say it helps but I honestly think it doesn’t do much. You talk to a friend or family and they try their damnest to solve your problem. I don’t blame them. I would to if my friend was venting to me. It’s probably the noblest thing to do. Solving problems. That’s what we were taught. Problem equals to solutions but as you start to age, you find yourself in this tangled mess and you realize that maybe, nothing really makes sense and sometimes things can’t be solved. They try to help you by telling you the things you already know. Maybe you have to..maybe you should..no. Just stop.

What is it that made us this way? It’s like a constant blur, like nothing really excites you anymore. Nothing really makes you feel like the things you felt when you were younger. The excitement, the fear, the anger, the sadness. It’s like you’re numb but not really. It’s like you just don’t care enough to care about anything. It’s like you’re on auto pilot and you go along in this life studying, working or whatever, chasing whatever it is that we dream of. And then what happens after?